Sunday, May 07, 2006

JAILHOUSE ROCK: A DAY IN THE LIVES OF THREE INFAMOUS SINGAPOREANS

JAILHOUSE ROCK FOR DURAI, GOMEZ AND DR CHEE?

(Its the year 2007. James Gomez, TT Durai and Dr Chee have been for various offences by the local judiciary.
By a stroke of good fortune on a particularly balmy day, all three jailbirds were assigned the same cell room. Below is a fictitious dialogue between the three jailbirds. )

Gomez: Hi! TT! What a pleasure to meet you!

Durai (Growling): Oh shut up Gomez. Fancy being stuck with two grown-ups of the likes of both of you! (Scowls again). Hell, when I was still in charge of NKF, even my office toilet alone is more spacious than this dungeon!

Dr Chee: Mr Durai! You better shut your trap! You bloody deserve it! You and your corrupt bunch of fools siphone money through illegal means! You deserve to me here, scumbag!

Durai (Sneering at Dr Chee): Oh, come on, Dr Chee, you are no better yourself. You backstabbed the hand that fed you.......remember how you kick your master, Mr Chiam, out of his own party? And he sued you successfully too. Not to forget your:"Where's our money, Mr Goh!" episode, you are just another scumbag yourself!

Dr Chee: Well, at least I didn't get to earn millions like you did with the NKF board! And not to mention that Mrs Goh and her "peanuts"......(Sneers)......"$600,000.00 Peanuts!"! No where in the world are peanuts worth that astronomic a price! You, you, my friend, are in cahoots with the Devil! You.......

Gomez (Interrupts): Hey, come on, gentlemen! Stop quarreling! It seems that we have to stick around with each other for a long while yet! Can't we just make peace and move on?!

Dr Chee and Durai (In unison): Shut up! You forgetful piece of shit!

Gomez (Angrily): Hey, fellas! At least you guys got jail term for real offences. (Points to Durai): You have the millions in your pockets. You, Dr Chee, you jolly well never learn your lesson. After being fined and bankrupted, you still harbour enough masochistic qualities to challenge our ruling incumbent. You would at least be guilty of the crime of stupidity. Me! What did I do? I merely forgot to fill up a minority report form during the 2006 GE!!!

Dr Chee(Laughing): Well Gomez, you never learnt from your lesson either, you stupid knucklehead! I remember during the 2001 GE: The Worker's Party couldn't stand in Aljunied because of you. When you arrived at the Elections Department, you claimed to Mr Low Thia Kiang you forgot to bring your identity card. When you went home to retrieve your ID, you inadvertably left your briefcase, with the minority form, at home!!! By the time you got both items at the Elections Department, the ED had already closed its doors.......and Mr Low was so furious, he wanted to skin you alive!

Durai (Burst out laughing, tears flowing from his eyes): You are indeed a blur son of a gun! You deserve to be incarcerated for your silly actions! How in the world do you expect people to vote fools the likes of you into Parliament???

Gomez (Fuming): You...........

Dr Chee (intervenes): Ok, ok, fellas, let's stop this argument. We are all victims of the ruling incumbent, one way or another. In any case, Gomez, you should be a free man soon, since your crime has been the most minor amongst us. Durai, however, would be in this god-forsaken place for quite a while, thank God for that..........

Gomez (Points to Durai, laughs): Yeah, man. This guy's a bloody cheat. Serve him right! He deserves to rot in this terrible cell for the rest of his miserable life!

(At this point, the prison warden appears; directing all three of them to the prison canteen. It must be fate that bring these three archetypical heroes together in the most unlikeliest of circumstances.........let's just hope they can get along well enough till the next GE............. As for Durai, well........let's just hope we will never again witness the likes of him ever again.)


4 Comments:

At 11:47 AM, May 09, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's a bit too short. Enjoyable but hardly 'riffraff' enough.






Perv

 
At 9:54 AM, May 11, 2006, Blogger VIV said...

hey! did you and Perv go do "Undercover" at a PAP rally? My friends and I wanted to go to their stadium on Results day, but we were carrying WP-signs, so there was a significant likelihood of being arrested for "inciting unrest" if we had gone =(.

 
At 1:15 PM, May 11, 2006, Blogger BEAST said...

hi vivien.

We did attend a rally or two, but mostly I spend my time during Elections to write on this blog.

Regards
The Beast

 
At 8:24 PM, May 11, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

YAWN!!! This neither shows forth any new perspectives, nor brings out any fresh insights. Just a regurgitation of the tired stereotypes (not that the stereotypes are entirely wrong, but... for the time that I spent reading this, I have gotten entirely nothing).

 

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